July 5, 2013     Africa blogger     "Bakhita"        Previous articles

Empathy - A Great Gift

Have you ever been in pain? I mean real pain?

Where I come from, whenever people are writing an obituary of their loved one, they would normally say that the person died from a disease bravely borne. These are words that I have never paid attention to. I have always wondered what it means and I always imagine that the person faced the disease without fear. This was until someone very dear and near to me was diagnosed with cancer. She would wince and cry like a baby because of the pain. The pain is unbearable and you would almost always want to do anything just to take away the pain. Even the strongest of painkillers would work just for a few hours and then wear off. She said that it was worse than being in labor. Those who have had children may be can slightly relate to this. Those who have had children have often been heard saying that there is no pain worse than labor pains.

Not too long ago, a male relative of mine also died of throat cancer. He would cry in pain until we all would freeze and just stare because we couldn’t help. The migraines associated with the throat cancer would make him cry and roll on the floor looking for relief. Yet, when it all started he said that it was worse than the ‘cut’. In the African tradition, the males are circumcised as a rite of passage from boyhood to manhood. This ceremony has been looked on as primitive as the boys foreskin is cut off without them being sedated at all. They take several days out in the forest healing and being initiated into men. Men who have undergone the ‘cut’ say that this is the worst pain in life and hence they are able to withstand anything else be it pain or any challenge as there can never be a pain worse than that of the ‘cut’.  Yet, here was my uncle saying that the pain was worse than the ‘cut’.

This is just to paint the picture and almost bring everyone to terms with what sick people go through when they bravely bear the pain and suffering.

In all these, all my near and dear ones needed most is for someone to be present and sit by them and assure them that they were not alone. Many a time, we want to run away from the sick ones so that we do not experience their pain.  My very dear one keeps asking me to sit next to her or lie down in the same room as her so that we can chat. When we do chat its like she forgets the pain and she also will go to sleep easily. When left alone I think several thoughts play in her mind and simply create panic and fear hence aggravating a bad situation.

People in pain need love and attention. This is more than any amount of money one can donate. This is an inexpensive gift to offer yet so valuable. I know many people from the continent will say that they have nothing to give. This is because they are thinking of what to give in terms of financial or material things. I therefore urge that we take care of the sick, not by thinking that we can take them to the hospital and leave them under the care of the medics and all shall be well, but by offering ourselves. Give your love; give your time as this may help them through their pain.

I wish to take this opportunity to thank all those missionaries around the world who dedicate their lives to visiting and praying for the sick. God bless you abundantly.  

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