Just
five letters, a short word really, ‘Sorry’.
The
words of Edith Piaf’s famous song ‘Je ne regrette rien’ are too
often the aggressive alternative.
We
live in a time when saying sorry for past events is not uncommon. It costs a lot
of money and is often highly inconvenient. Why is it that we look over our
shoulders at something which happened years ago and feel it necessary to
re-visit the story all over again?
There
are a number of responses to that question, not the least being to examine what
many might regard as a gross miscarriage of justice.
We
saw occasions in the
UK
during the Troubles in
Ireland
where the courts convicted innocent people after accepting
evidence that was fabricated. It took time for the realisation to dawn that
honesty demanded the challenge of reappraisal and the admission of error.
Who
was right? Who was wrong? What really happened? Lives and reputations were
damaged and the hurt remained over many years
After so long, it is often hard to unravel the
truth. In some instances, key witnesses and participants are no longer alive and
their testimony is lost. And in any
case memory is challenged with the distance of time.
In
the case of suggested abuse of young children by respected carers, be they
priests or religious, teachers or parents, time can be cited in defence- ‘I
did not know’ or
‘I
am not sure’, But for those who are sure, those who suffered then and
throughout subsequent years continued to live with the pain, that is not good
enough. Often they have been unable to share their experience, made to feel they
were to blame, sworn to secrecy by their abusers, their lives damaged from an
early age when their innocence was destroyed.
That
such activity should have taken place in the context of one aspect or another of
our Christian community is shameful indeed. But to have that pain compounded by
denial and attempts to avoid blame is so much worse. It breaks a trust that was
expected, a broken trust that is hard to repair.
Who
is to say sorry for what happened years back? Ideally those whose actions were
as indefensible then as they would be now, but in the event of that not being
possible, how is public acknowledgement to be addressed?
The
courts attempt to explore the facts, apportion blame and settle recompense
through custodial sentence or financial penalty. Whether or not judicial process
can heal emotional damage is another matter altogether.
But
when re-examination of a case is denied, that only serves to build frustration
and anger for those who seek an apology. It is often said that a cover-up of
misdeeds is worse than the original event. That is questionable, but it
certainly doesn’t help to ease the pain that has been carried, often for many
years. That they are willing to fight for so long in defence of their case only
serves to add to the plausibility of their claims.
Acknowledgement
of indiscretion is the first stage in forgiveness. The parable of the prodigal
son is very clear in its message. Acceptance back home by his family demanded
that the son first make a decision and then begin a journey.
This month is a time of remembrance for those
whose death came about through conflict. Who says sorry now and to whom should
they address their apology? Many of
us still alive remember with sadness and pain the
occasions of war during the last century. Now the lines are blurred with
historical hindsight. Cause and effect are not quite so clear.
How
should we look back at the Reformation events in
Europe
, that huge social, political and religious upheaval of the
16th Century? Can we now apportion blame with clarity, justifying the
actions of one group or another? I would suggest not. Our path to ecumenical
dialogue came through an acceptance that right and wrong was not an exclusive
position. Only when such honesty exists can we move forward in forgiveness,
seeking a future together. Francis understands this very clearly. Both his
actions and his words bear the burden of forgiving others as we seek their
forgiveness.
It
is not easy. There has to be trust, a confidence in outcome. It is often said
that it is safe to disagree within the family for the bonds of love that bring
us together enable forgiveness to flourish.
By the time these few words are published, the
result of the US Election will be known. We will see in the coming weeks how
forgiveness works at a national level and whether
or not the rhetoric of recent months can be forgiven for the good of all.
END
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