Chris McDonnell, UK
chris@mcdonnell83.freeserve.co.uk

Previous articles by Chris   Comments welcome here

September 13, 2017  

We all need someone to listen to us  (and also The Days Before, below)

 The media have reacted with surprised interest to the breaking news a few days back, that Pope Francis, then Fr Bergoglio SJ, met with a therapist in the early 70s. The sessions covered a period of some six months during a time of great political stress in Argentina with a military junta in power. It was also a period when he led the Jesuits in the country. They were choppy waters that had to be navigated and it was his lot to be the navigator. It is no small wonder that he sought help and advice, for the stress he was under was considerable. That he made such a move to undertake discussions with an analyst might be regarded as unusual; that he did so through the professional skill of a woman who was of Jewish belief gives us a hint of the man we see today as Bishop of Rome.

 Many of us are not very good at talking and I don't mean conversation about sport, the weather or politics. I mean talking about the inner uncertainties and doubts that we store away, when confronting them would be too painful, too upsetting. A whole myriad of circumstances come to mind yet we hide from facing up to the reality of their solution.

 I would suggest there are four factors that determine eventual openness.

 The first is finding the right person to listen to us, someone we can trust, who will respect our confidentiality, someone who will give us time. A second factor is occasion. We might try to engineer the time and place for talking, only to find the chemistry is not right and we get no-where. Yet if we are prepared to talk and someone else is prepared to listen it can happen with a spontaneity that is unexpected. Once started, the story unfolds. A third issue is one of honesty and that might take time, the testing of ground, watching for response.

And lastly, expectation. In the end no-one solves our problems for us but through their kindness, perception and attentive listening they enable us to see our lives in a different light and so move on.

 Good listeners are hard to come by. Too often they want to interrupt with their own views and opinions; that is not what it is about at all. The good listener by their very presence, their body language, their generosity of time and their patience, enable the talker to bring their difficulties and worries into the light of day.

In this way we help each other, not being too busy, too involved to share our time with one who needs it. Over twenty years ago, one Saturday morning, I knocked on the door of the nearby Benedictine Abbey and waited. Later that day I wrote these few lines.

 I did not see the bell, that in some dark distant

  space concealed, responded to the button

  by the wooden door, rung well.

  Nor did I know at that instant

  what work was set aside by the sudden call to service,

  as silently gathering herself she moved with measured haste

  until the inner latch was raised and greeting

  this June hot morning with a smile, her small,

  black wrapped figure opened the outer door

                                      answering my call.

 We do not always appreciate what others do for us, how we interrupt the pattern of their lives by our arrival and our need to talk. Yet seeing our need they give us their time and we come away the better for it. A professor of English at an American university bemoaned the fact that his work was always being hindered by interruptions - 'until I realised that my interruptions were my work' .

 At the time we may not realise that the pause we make, the attentive presence that we show, is of value. But in the end it is, our 'being there' has made a difference. We should not presume on another's strength, their ability to cope, for each of us has a fragility that we hide, coping as best we can.

 Time and again, the Gospel accounts centre on people coming to Jesus with their problems hoping that he would help them. Their faith was confirmed by his involvement and care.

 So also in the Church. Our faith is confirmed by the individuals who carefully listen to us, are generous with their time and present to us the reality of the living God. Listening might result in tears when sufficient words cannot be found. So be it. Our lives are not always a walk in the park on a Spring morning. The rains and upturned collars of Winter are also part of the story.  Share your coat with someone who is cold.

 END

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The days before  

              On the Chase,

              great stags bellow in due season

              threatening amongst the trees till,

              meeting in a clearing

              confrontation follows.

              Heads lower, horns lock

              twist and turn, clash

              with steaming breath

              clouding flared nostrils.

              Finally the weaker walks away

              back to the dark solitude

              of tall October pines.

              When children throw fists and stones,

              tears follow from hurt.

              When grown-ups throw bigger stones

              there maybe no-one left

              to cry

                       over broken earth

              and the dust of bones.

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