Many thanks, Des, for joining the blogging team at www.v2catholic.com Your
articles most, most welcome!
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Desmond O’Donnell is an Oblate
priest and a registered psychologist in Dublin
GOD’S SELF-DESCRIPTION
Counsellor: May I ask you why you came to see me ?
Client: Truthfully I don’t think that I need to,
but my eldest son thinks that I am
manifesting some strange behaviour. I’m here to make him
happy.
Counsellor:
Could you tell me about this ?
Client:
You read the story in the local paper about my son going off and coming
back years later.
Counsellor: Do
you think the story as told is accurate ?
Client:
Yes it is, but most people lost sight of me and my feelings in the
story. They
speak only of ‘a prodigal son’. They concentrate on guilt, blame and
forgiveness. Yes, I suppose my young boy was foolish, but
people missed my
feelings and they misunderstand the deeper experience of
what happened to
me. Maybe that’s why my elder son sent me to you.
Counsellor:
Please, tell me your own understanding of what occurred and how you
felt about it.
Client: Our
family, like any good Jewish family, is very close. At least we were.
Counsellor: And
your boy did not feel this closeness ?
Client:
You see, my son – he’s my youngest - was always rather impulsive; he
does
not always act his age.
One day he demanded his share of our family
property in cash and……….(long
pause)
Counsellor:
And…..?
Client: I
gave it to him. I said yes, but with a very heavy heart. He could see how I
felt, but he persisted. Of course it took a while to sell
that part of the family
estate and I kept asking him not to leave home. Yes, I gave
it to him, and of
course the family thought that I was confused. They were
even angry.
Counsellor: How
did you feel when the boy did this ? Angry too, I suppose ?
Client:
No, not angry, but very sad and worried.
Counsellor: You
were sad at the loss of the land ?
Client:
Maybe, but I was much more deeply saddened that my boy was leaving
home. I was very concerned about him, very. He was leaving a comfortable
and loving home, with servants, good food and overall
security. Anything could happen to him.
Counsellor:
Tell me about your sadness.
Client:
Well, there is not much to tell; I was very worried like any parent
would be.
Counsellor: Are
you sure that you were not angry ?
Client:
No, no. How could I be angry at my son whom I loved, just because he was
acting foolishly to harm himself ? Being angry would be focusing on
myself.
Counsellor:
That is a little unusual in the situation. You were not angry with the boy
who was splitting the family estate ?
Client:
No, I was not angry. You read my
story. There is no mention of anger in it,
although some religious people in the village say that I was
angry and maybe
suppressed it.
Counsellor: Did
you have any other feeling in the situation ? Did you
feel, shall we
say, offended ?
Client:
No, as I told you, my thoughts were solely on the boy I loved, and not
on
myself. I was not offended.
That would have been thinking about myself. You read my story. There is no mention of my
son offending me. I was just sad,
disappointed if you like, and anxious about his safety and wellbeing. We Jews
are better in the country Yahweh gave us, rather than out in the diaspora.
Counsellor: So
you were not angry or offended; just sad and worried about your
boy’s welfare ?
Client:
That’s right. Have you not read the story ?.
Counsellor: Why
do you think your family is worried about you ?
Client: They think that somehow I lost my head in
letting my son take his share
of the farm before my death, and allowed him
to avoid the responsibility of caring for his mother and I while we are alive.
Counsellor: But
go back to your feelings if you would.
How are things now ?
Client:
Well, you read the story. My son came back recently and I welcomed him
home. I feel very happy.
Counsellor: So ?
Client:
Again my elder son thinks that I should not have welcomed him back, and
that I am more confused than ever. He believes I should have sent him away, and
now he thinks that I need counselling even more than before. You see, my
wayward son spent all the money living promiscuously and returned only because
he was hungry, penniless and working in a pig sty. Imagine a Jew and my son, working in a pig sty !
Counsellor: And
how do you feel about his brother’s reaction ?
Client:
Well, again I am sad that he cannot share my feelings of joy.
Counsellor:
Maybe he felt that you should be annoyed at his brother’s rejection of
your authority. Did
the flaunting of your authority not annoy you ? Was
disobedience not an issue for you ?
Client:
No, no. You see by leaving home, my son was hurting himself more than
hurting me, and I was concerned about that most of
all. Not about my authority. Besides, he came back starving, looking emaciated
and smelly.
Counsellor: And
how did that make you feel about him ?
Client: He
didn’t even have shoes, and his clothes were just rags. So you can just
imagine how I felt for him. Like any father, I didn’t feel about him; I felt for
him.
Counsellor: And why do you think your family is so
worried about you ?
Client:
Well, I was so happy that I even ran to meet him, and I would not let
him –
as tradition demands - kiss my feet. Yes, I was so happy that I embraced him
warmly. I could feel my old heart beating against my ribs with joy. I am sure
he felt it too. Some of the villagers laughed at my stumbling attempts to run
towards my reckless son and welcome him.
Counsellor: So
you were really happy at his return ?
Client: Of
course. I can’t understand why my elder
son was so angry. He thought
that I did not love him as much as my son who went away.
Counsellor: How
did he show his anger ?
Client:
Well, maybe you too will think I am confused when I tell you that I gave him the best
robe in the house, that I called all the neighbours in and had a party with
music and dancing to welcome my boy back. To the annoyance of my other son, I
even had the calf we had been fattening for Rosh Hashonah
our New Year celebration killed for the party. But I was so happy, so very
happy.
Some religious people said I should have given the boy
a penance or at least made him promise never to do it again. But I could not. He himself wanted to do penance
by becoming a servant. Imagine my beloved son becoming a servant in his own
home. I never wanted that. But I was so happy to see him again. That’s the only
feeling I had.
Counsellor:
Are you sure ?
Client: Oh ! I was a little sad when my elder son listed off his
brother’s sins in public
and refused to meet his brother. I always
suspected that he felt the need to earn my love by obeying my orders and
working hard. Deep down that must have
made him feel like a servant. Maybe that’s his problem. It made me sad too. I
told him again that all I have is his.
Counsellor: Unforgiveness
usually hurts the person who harbours it. How about you ?
Client:
What do you mean ?
Counsellor: When did you forgive the boy ?
Client: I
never forgave him.
Counsellor:
Excuse me !
Did you say that you never forgave him ?
Client:
That’s right. I didn’t need to because I never condemned him.
Counsellor: Oh !
Client: I
think that, like a lot of people in the village and since then, you did not
read
the story. Where are anger, condemnation, penance or
forgiveness mentioned ?
………(long pause)……There
was just deep sadness at the leaving and
overwhelming joy at the return.
Counsellor: I
am beginning to understand.
Client:
When is my next appointment ?
Counsellor: I don’t
think you need one. I think I need to
read the story again.