December
27, 2012 Daniel
Daring
Daniel's previous reflections
Holy
Family
Sunday: Attack on the family
1 Samuel 1:20-28; 1 John 3:1-2; 21-24; Luke 2:41-52
The
cover of the March 1997 Fortune magazine asks, “Is Your Family Wrecking
Your Career?” The answer given to its readers is the new ‘gospel’ of
capitalism and corporate world: ‘your career is more important than your
family!’ And the fruits of this message are (1) single women with professional
careers realizing in their thirties or forties that they miss something
important and jump to online websites of ‘I am a woman in search of a man’,
(2) absentee father families with a man working overtime for his company unable
to find time to attend the graduation of his son/daughter, (3) mothers, after
giving their quality time to other people, coming home so exhausted that they
find their own children irritable. So what is a family after all? An unnecessary
burden that can wreck your career?
Time
together
“Every
year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover” (Luke 2:41).
Family is the place where the most fundamental bonds of solidarity among human
beings are established. It is done through those countless things we do as
family members by “caring and providing for one another, making family events
from an evening meal to a large family reunion, helping each other in an
emergency, giving advice and hugs, listening sympathetically, enjoying each
others' company, and even squabbling and arguing to resolve conflicts or giving
valuable negative feedback” (John Spritzler). Nothing can replace those
precious moments spent together, and yet they are taken away from us by
the demands of work and school. Instead of sharing a meal together,
a husband, a wife and their children eat alone at different hours. When children
have vacation, their fathers are on a business trip or so engrossed with work
that they cannot afford to spend a day with them. Finally, in order to cope with
financial pressures, the mothers are forced to leave their homes and enter the
working arena.
In
order to combat the ‘worldly gospel’ of capitalism we have to rediscover the
importance of spending time together. A yearly trip to Jerusalem could take five
days of journey from Nazareth. It was a time to set aside all the problems of
the world. It was a time to pray and to be with close relatives and friends.
During those five days, Mary was setting up the table, Joseph was introducing
Jesus to the cultural and religious milieu of Jewish tradition, and Jesus
enjoyed the time playing with his friends, exploring the world beyond Nazareth,
and listening to the stories of adults. A yearly pilgrimage to Jerusalem was not
only a pilgrimage; it was a vacation as well. It was that necessary break, a
time spent together with God and with one another. Have we forgotten how tasty
were the meals prepared by our mothers, especially during Christmas celebration?
Can the ‘Happy Meals’ of McDonalds compare with them? Have we forgotten the
lessons in real life taught by our fathers while teaching us how to drive, to
swim, to catch a fish? Can they be replaced by the media experts talking to us
from TV screens? Have we forgotten the time spent together with our relatives,
having fun and doing many ‘crazy’ things? Can they be replaced by the video
games and movies?
Mom
and Dad
“Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you” (Luke 2:48). The presence of both parents is important in the life of a child. A little girl by the name of Jasmine overheard a dialogue between her distant relative and her elder sister. That distant relative was proposing to take the elder sister to the city and to finance her studies for college. Suddenly, Jasmine blurted out to the man, “You are a bad man! Don’t you know that my mother is away from us working in Japan! And now you are taking away also my sister from me. You are a bad man! I don’t like you!” Then she cried inconsolably.
By forcing mothers to leave the family and work abroad, capitalism is destroying families. Instead of being a mother, fulfilling the emotional needs of a child for a mother’s close presence, a woman becomes a distant relative herself or a sort of philanthropic institution that only sends financial help to her family. In other situations, it is the father who is absent from the family in search for livelihood. No one can measure the depth of the wound that the absence of a mother or a father can create in a child. A child grows emotionally strong and stable only in the presence of a secured environment where s/he experiences the love and tenderness of a mother and the authority and protection of a father.
Looking
into the Gospels’ accounts of Jesus’ childhood we always find the two
parents together. The whole family escaped to Egypt (Mathew 2:13); the whole
family went back to Nazareth (Mathew 2:19-23); the whole family was making the
annual pilgrimage to Jerusalem (Luke 2:41). There is no absentee father or
mother in the family of Jesus. They are always present at the most decisive
moments of Jesus’ life: “When the
parents brought in the child Jesus . . . ;” (Luke 2:27); “When Joseph
and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord
. . .” (Luke 2:39). And when Jesus got lost among the crowds attending
the yearly pilgrimage, both of them, Joseph and Mary, were anxiously looking for
him (Luke 2:44).
Child
“And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men” (Luke 2:52). It is a heartbreaking image to see children living and making a living on the streets. Yet, this is the place where their parents are forced by the competitive market economy to live. Malnourished and uneducated, these children are often the victims of abuse and exploitation. “A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more” (Jeremiah 31:15; Mathew 2:18). If parents are forced by the demands of the world to give up their paternal and maternal role, then children are the ones that carry the wound of being thrown into the adult world and left without any physical and emotional protection that only a healthy family can provide.
And yet the Bible reminds us that every child is precious in God’s eyes, that God has destined children for a bright future. So vulnerable, so weak and dependent, children are the first object of the parental mission inside the family. “She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger . . .” (Luke 2:7); after being warned in a dream, Joseph “got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt” (Matthew 2:14). Mary provided Jesus with the emotional security of being welcomed into the world; Joseph protected Jesus from any possible harm that could come from the outside world. Jesus’ safety and his growing in wisdom and stature was their mission in life. The same holds true for every family.
Nothing
can replace a healthy family. It is this little corner of the world where things
follow different patterns. Family is a safe haven where love and care are given
for free, not sold as a commodity. Parents lavish their children with selfless
dedication and protection and children give their parents the feeling of
fulfillment. This safe haven prepares children to face the demands of the world
and to embark themselves on the mission to do the will of God in the world.
Looking at the family of Jesus, let us realize the value and importance of the
family, and not allow ourselves to be misguided by the message of the
contemporary world that sees family as a threat to one’s personal achievement.
It is the ‘success’ in family that brings real fulfillment and contentment
in life.